Confessions of an addict

The urgency. Anxiousness. Restlessness until we can satisfy our cravings again. The constantly worrying and being stressed when we can’t fulfill this for a period of time. It’s more than just a want, it’s a need. A burning desire from deep within. Stopping these addictions is more than saying no, it’s having to battle against what your body and mind wants all day. It’s learning to live without what we want most in life.

When people think of addictions most will go and think straight to the obvious that kill out bodies; alcohol, smoking, drugs. Yes they are addictive and can be from the first time we try it, but what about the less obvious ones? What about the ones that can be more dangerous to our mental state than our health? Is the relief we feel from giving in what we crave most or is it the sheer thought of doing it again. The panic that rushes over us when we imagine life without these, how agitated it can make us when we are restricted from doing all these things. It takes over you, controls you. Every thought and feeling, it’s there in the back of our mind. No escape. No way out.

What’s worse, being addicted to something easily accessible, like a drink? Or when its intangible; being addicted to someone, looking a certain way, feeling a certain ways? When it takes the enjoyment out of doing the thing that once gave you so much fun and happiness, now used as a relief. It affects those around you, your loved ones, family, friends, even those you work with to an extent. Each one having to watch you with different feelings surrounding it. Having to compromise their time with you, or just getting left for your addiction. They try to help, sometimes it works, sometimes it drives a barrier in between you. If this has happened to you, how many friendships or relationships have you lost? Or has this affected? If it’s not many then you could be lucky, some have none left by the time they start to get help or want to recover. You end up lying to them, cheat, steal anything to get what you want. It’s not the same each time. You need more. Another drink, another gram, another cut, only 3 lb more then I’ll stop. Does it ever really stop? Recovering alcoholics never touch a drink again, gamblers never place another bet or go into another casino. Are they really recovered or are they still addicted?

Is there really such a thing as a full recovery or do we just trick our minds and bodies into thinking we don’t need it anymore…

 

Until next time,

Sophieexoxs

 

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